Inside my head for a moment.

    Life is busy.  I don't think life will ever slow down.  Maybe that's a good thing.  Maybe not.  Sometimes I think it would be nice if there were more hours in the day.  But really, I'm glad there aren't more hours in the day because I wouldn't have energy to get through them.  And we all think we're busier than the next person.  The stay at home mom looks at people going to work and is envious that at least they get a lunch break, and they come home and are done.  The people going to work look at the people staying home and think it would be nice to just hang out at home all day.
   I look at facebook and I am reminded everyday how hypocritical we are as human beings.  I've read soo many stupid articles about the government, homeschool vs. public school, stay at home moms vs. working moms, why people who feed their kids formula aren't providing the best for their kids, articles telling moms to stop worrying about if breast milk is best because you have to do what's best for you, ya da ya da.  And they all suck me in.  They all make me question how I am as a mom, as a person, or as an American citizen.  I'm sorta tired of it.  I read an article on how us moms need to give ourselves a break and then I feel good about my mothering skills but then I think, "Shouldn't I be hard on myself?  I want to always improve, not find articles that give me an excuse to plop my kid in front of a tv and eat fruit snacks all day."  I get that we need to be educated in what's going on in our world but sometimes I don't want to compare myself to what other moms are doing, or what the generation before us did, and honestly, I don't care why someone decides to homeschool their child or not(for the sake of offending people, I'm purely talking about articles that bash public school teachers).

    So, I"m writing this post so that maybe someday my kids will read back through this little family journal and they'll see what mom did on an average day.  Not to compare but just to see that we're all human.    
   On an average day, my alarm goes off at 5:50.  Without fail I have a debate in my head.  "Is the gym really worth it?  I'm stinkin' tired.  It's cold outside.  Why would I sacrifice my sleep?  Other people don't get up this early to workout"  Excuse after excuse.  And then I talk myself into it because I know there isn't another time in the day that I can go.  I give myself a little pep talk every morning that I'm glad I go workout because it makes me feel good.  I like seeing definition showing on my stomach that has carried two babies.  I like that I ran five miles, rehaired some bows, bathed and fed two children and went grocery shopping before 9:30.  I like that I see the speed of my miles improving and mornings like today where my average mile pace is 7:30, I feel good.  And reminding myself of that gets me up in the mornings, when I really don't want to.  To make up for my hard work in the morning, I'm probably not going to get dressed for awhile.  If you come to my house at 11:00 in the morning, you just might see that I'm still in my workout clothes.  Other moms might think that's crazy, especially if they don't know my morning routine, but I don't care.
 
    Some days I might stop by the music store with Patrick(during Aiden's nap) to rehair bows if I don't think I can get them all done in the early morning.
 
    Some days I take my kids to the park and then I think, "I should do this more often."
 
    Some days I teach violin in the morning and afternoon.
   
    Some days I do the dishes.

   Some days I write a post on here because I know how much I cherished my dad's journal entries after he passed away.

   Jon and I decided to become partners in building apps.  I'm really easy to bug to get things done because I live with him. ;)  So, what did I do?  Look on youtube and now I'm doing graphics for a game that I think will be great.  Time for that usually comes at 10-12 at night.

  I've always wanted to be good at taking cute pictures of my kids and decided now is as good of time as any so I've started taking them out for little photo shoots and researching how to use photoshop(slooow process for me).

   Recently I decided that since I was reminded that music makes me happy, I should play more.  And after two full weeks of rehearsals/shows almost every night, some until 12, it's time to slow that hobby down a little.

 Some days I lose my patience.

  A lot of days I cry over the unfair and cruel nature of cancer.

  The hospital is by my house and some days I hear the life flight helicopter leaving and I weep for a family I don't know.

   Everyday, my brain feels full.  Hobbies and outlets are great things but my job in this life is to first be a good wife, mother, daughter, sister, etc.  Family is everything in this life and a lot of times it's hard to find that balance.  And that balance is different for everyone.

   Sometimes I fail at being successful in my pursuits and sometimes I don't.  I've been thinking lately about cancelling facebook and instagram because I don't want my self-esteem being based on how many "likes" or comments I get.  I probably won't but I entertain the thought a lot.  Social life hasn't been my strong suit since being married and that's ok, too.  I'm working on it. :)  And if no one comments on this post, I'm working at not comparing myself to others who get 10 comments on a post about what they ate for dinner.

   Recently I played for a rock production.  The people who hired me were from the group Midas Whale(if anyone's seen The Voice, you might know them), and my first tendency was to be a little timid around them.  They've been on tv.  People are separated into classes and I'm not in their class.  And then I had this life changing moment where I thought, "why are they any better than me?  I've been through my schooling.  I've practiced hour after hour on this instrument.  I might not have pursued my instrument enough to get on tv but I have a family.  I have kids and that's an important job, too."  They didn't do anything to make me feel inferior(they're actually pretty nice) but I let myself feel that way at first.  And then I got over it.  With everyone.  I've always backed down when I've felt someone's personality was stronger but I'm over it.  I'm happy with who I am and that's a good feeling.  I'm not perfect at feeling this way but I'm getting there.  Not to be cocky, but so that I don't feel bad about who I am as a person.  When I'm confident with myself, I'm more willing and able to serve others and that's what we're here for.

   Good job if you've made it this far because this is, again, a random post but I recently saw a quote that said, "Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate."  I also think it could say, "Promote what you love instead of bashing what you're jealous of."  Maybe that doesn't flow as well?  Either way, I love the idea of promoting what we love.  So I'm going to do that by posting this picture:

    What's not to love?