62

Today is my dad's 62nd birthday.  While we all wished we were celebrating with cake and presents, instead we celebrated by going to the temple and my dad's grave-which ended up being the best way possible for me to feel close to him.  This morning I couldn't help thinking about my birthday 3 months ago when my dad asked to call me on the phone for my birthday.  I answered and the first thing he said was, "Is this Natalie?  This is daddy poo.  Happy Birthday!"  And I was taken back to when I was 6 years old all over again.  It was a tender mercy-a moment my dad knew exactly what he wanted to say and probably what I needed to hear.  But today, I know my dad is watching over all of us, cheering us on when we have harder days, like today, and knowing it won't be that long till we all see each other again.  Happy Birthday, Dad.

1st Birthday

I'm a little behind on the blog but I realized today I hadn't posted pictures of Patrick's birthday parties.  Saturday(July 21st) was his party with everyone because it was easier for everyone to come then instead of on Monday so on Monday, July 23rd, we had a smaller party.  So, here is a picture overload.

 This is my first ever fondant cake.  The fondant was easier to make and work with than I thought but more time consuming.  It's not perfect but Patrick loved it.

 I realized the day of his party that I hadn't gotten him a birthday outfit or anything, so I improvised...

 Fortunately and unfortunately, the fondant kept the cake pretty well together so Patrick didn't get nearly as dirty as he could have.   I think that picture is when Afton was trying to get the cake from Patrick but there was no way he was handing it over.

 Opening gifts


These next pictures are from Monday, the actual day of his birthday.

My mom got Patrick crayons and he's pretty much played with them everyday since.  Eating them, "drawing" with them, trying to feed them to the dogs...sometimes he gets them out just to be able to hold one crayon in each hand.  Hours of fun.

This is the cake my mom made for him.  The bigger one was for everyone and the smaller for Patrick.

 Definitely the kind of cake that will cause the classic, cake all over the face, picture.

I'm pretty sure after eating two cakes of pure sugar over the course of 3 days, he was on a little sugar high.  I couldn't look at cake or cupcakes afterwards...still can't.

We had a lot of fun planning/celebrating Patrick's birthday and spoiling him rotten, but I would be lying if I didn't say my dad's presence was greatly missed.  As much as we were trying to have fun, there was an underlying feeling of sadness, wishing my dad was there to celebrate with us.  Apparently my dad had picked out Patrick's card before he died and it was really touching to open that card and see that it was from Grandma and Grandpa.  He also had picked out some art supplies from school that he had wanted Patrick to have so it was sweet to give those to Patrick.  Which, again, Patrick carries around everyday.  I'm constantly finding rulers, crayons, erasers and colored pencils in random places.  I hope he loves art like his Grandpa.

 Patrick's birthday brought back memories of my own birthdays growing up because my dad was always such a huge part of those.  He was definitely not one of those dads that stood in the background, watching everything the wife had planned.  He loved to dress up as a clown for comedy, put on magic shows, and just overall entertain all of the kids.  We all loved it when he "magically" pulled quarters out of everyplace possible.  I'm pretty sure we made him do it over and over at one of my parties.  My mom said he even helped with drawing things on all of our fancy cakes.  I didn't realize how much I loved his involvement in everything until it wasn't there.  I couldn't believe how hard it hit me and how difficult it was for me to accept the fact that my dad would never do a magic show at one of Patrick's birthdays.

 I can't believe all the things that have happened in Patrick's short year of life and in some ways I wish I could go back to July 23rd, 2011.  Time went by too fast.  But, since I can't go back to that time when I thought life was finally settling down and I was just happy to have a sweet, new baby, here's to hoping this next year will be full of moments of healing and peace.  Happy Birthday, Patrick.