Obsessions

I think I have a mental problem or something. I think I'm going to blame it on pregnancy because that's what pregnant women always do. If I forget my keys, it's because I'm pregnant. If my pants don't fit(not just in the stomache area), it's because I'm pregnant. No control over emotions? Pregnant. Anyway, I've found myself obsessing over everything for the last little while. What doctor should I go to? What color should I paint the baby room? Should I sew my own baby quilt(which means learning how to use a sewing machine as well) or buy one? A stroller for $125 or $139? Why is my baby not moving much today when he was going crazy yesterday? Should I call the doctor, even though he'd probably say it's perfectly normal? Which I already know it's normal because I've spent hours reading anything I can about pregnancy and raising kids. I can't make up my mind on anything! Not because all the choices seem so good, but because nothing seems like it's exactly what I'm looking for. I changed doctors around 16 weeks because I was obsessing over finding the perfect personality/competence. Even now, I ask every person I know who they went to, why they liked them, how much they cost, etc. because I think I would probably still switch if I thought there was a better option. The more I search, the more I think no doctor is that great. Baby room...I can't say how many color swatches I've looked at or how many baby rooms I've googled to see what style I want and then how much I obsessed over finding a blanket set that matched the wall color I want. Which, I'm still working on. Jon is great with deciding what he wants. If he likes it, he chooses it and doesn't think a second thought. I find a baby quilt I want to make(which I came to the decision of making one because ones already made were never quite right), but then have to search hours and hours more to make sure that's the best one. The more I look, the less anything looks good...including the one I picked out. It's not just baby things, though. If a student isn't progressing, I obsess over whether it's me or just them not trying. And then I obsess over whether the parent thinks I'm doing my job or not. Even if a kid only shows up half of the time, I obsess over whether the parent is still going to try to blame me for being flaky(which happened today, hence the post), when really, I'm obsessing over not being flaky. I think I need another vacation...and can someone decorate my baby room for me while I'm gone? :)

Growing baby

I view this blog as more of a family journal that I can print off at the end of the year, so sorry if there's a lot of updates on things that might seem boring to other people. But, boring or not, I think it's fun to document on new things happening inside of me with our soon to be baby. I've felt the baby move for quite awhile but it's only been the last few weeks that it's been a more definate movement. And it's been even less weeks since I've been able to see his movements on the outside. Since he's inside of me, I don't miss anything but Jon hasn't gotten to experience much of the movement. I think he's felt one kick. Last night was great because the baby was moving a lot and Jon could actually see quite a bit of the movement on the outside. It was like a movie...both of us just laying on the bed staring at my stomache for 15 minutes. ha ha And, the baby gave Jon's hand a couple hearty kicks which he thought was great. :) Even though I can feel him, it's still hard to look at my stomache and imagine that a real human being is inside of me. I'm just so blasted impatient to see the little guy, I can barely stand it. Sometimes my patience is endless, and other times it's...not. To put it mildly. So, here we are with absolutely no baby supplies(besides a bazillion diapers we got incredibly cheap because of a tip from a couponing friend) and I still wish my due date was yesterday. :) Although, now I'm actually thinking about the delivery, like, all the time and thinking, "why did I get pregnant again?" I'm deathly afraid of the big epidural needle so I'm thinking of going without. I realize that's probably a million times more painful than a needle is and I really wish needles weren't one of my phobias in life. Anyone have advice/ideas on that?

Dear Baby Blackburn,

I love that I can feel you constantly wiggling around, but can you please try to avoid my bladder at least once in awhile?

San Diego!!!

Have I mentioned before how much I love traveling and going on vacations? I'm pretty sure I have because I would go on a vacation every month if I could. It really doesn't even matter where, although certain places are better than others. Well, this past week I got to go to San Diego to visit my sister. Honestly, this gray Rexburg weather was really getting to me so about a month ago, I got a ticket to go to sunny California. And oh, how wonderful it was to see sunshine. I really wish Rexburg would catch on that it's springtime now. It snowed today for heaven's sake! Why do I live here? Anyway, it was nice to visit Karolyn and see some of the fun things she gets to enjoy everyday. Sorry, but this post will have a lot of pictures. I took many more but there's only so much patience I have for uploading photos...

This is outside of the botanical gardens.


And this is inside

My favorite flower in the greenhouse


These are called flamigo anthurium....or something like that. I can see the flamingo part.


Karolyn by some other flowers I really liked


This is just one of the streets in Balboa Park. I would highly recommend going to Balboa Park if anyone goes to San Diego because not only does it have the San Diego zoo, but just down from there are these beautiful streets with a ton of different museums. Some of them cost but a lot are free as well so it's fun to go whether you want to spend money or not. I loved the area when I went on my honeymoon and I loved it the second time around with Karolyn.



Welcome to meditation gardens. This is at the entrance

People really come here and sit in a corner and meditate.



Random, but I was practicing out my camera skills(or lack thereof) and I thought this leaf was nice.




Oh, how I love the ocean. Some day, I hope to live by one.



This is the life

One of the beaches we went to had these cute seals laying all along a little part of the beach



By the tide pools


This squirrel loved me. He even came up to my hand and tried to eat my plastic bag


Hello pregnant belly in a swimsuit

The belly...

I've been kind of bad about taking pictures during the pregnancy but here is a picture that was taken around 20 weeks! I'll just say that my belly's not the only thing growing... Yesterday we had the official gender/overall health of the baby check and everything looks great. He's still a boy...definitely....and everything looks perfect. Everything was around the 50 percentile except his abdomen area which is more around 85 percentile so I guess he's chubby. :) I'm sure he'll be a healthy size just like me and Jon were. Although, I'm praying he doesn't come out over 10 pounds like Jon was. Besides that, all of his internal organs looked perfect and he's still plenty active. During the ultrasound he was using the placenta as a pillow and sucking on his fingers...kind of cute. I started feeling him kick a few weeks ago but now the little kicks are getting strong enough to feel on the outside. Although, whenever I try to call Jon over quickly to feel it, the baby decides to stop so Jon still hasn't had the experience of feeling it quite yet. There's still plenty of time for that, though. I'm glad we still have a few months before the little one arrives because we haven't gotten any baby necessities(besides a few clothes) like a crib, car seat, etc. but on the other hand, I'm feeling soo impatient. I want to enjoy having the big belly and everything that goes with being pregnant, but on the other hand, I just want to hold the little one that I've already started loving. It took it to a new level when I saw him on the ultrasound doing normal baby things and now that he's kicking more, everything seems more real. The first trimester felt like it lasted an eternity but I'm about half way through the second trimester now and I'm hoping it flies by a little faster. By the way, how do people afford all the baby equipment!? I mean, baby monitors alone are around $70(and I'm sure the price can get higher) and they're one of the little items. I should have started saving up a long time ago... Besides the baby, nothing too exciting has happened. Same old school and work. Jon and I realized, again, how much we dislike living in the Millhollow trailer park. I won't go in to detail because I'm too lazy now that I've already written a lot, but honestly, I've never felt like such a rule breaker in my life. I could go on for awhile but I just feel like there are soo many dumb rules that don't matter or don't make a lot of sense but, whatever. We won't be here forever.