Competitive

I have a confession to make.  I'm really, really competitive.  While this can be a good thing and I'm realizing it has helped fuel any passions I've had in life, sometimes it's really not a good thing.  Next Saturday, I'm going to complete(hopefully;)) my first full triathlon.  I've been training over the summer and my competitive side has been good because it keeps me getting up in the mornings.  However, me being competitive, that also means I'm checking times of past winners and trying to beat those times and even though I tell myself that I just want to finish in under a certain amount of time, there's a part of me that is driven to try to win.  Some days I push hard and get great times and other days I'm just tired and I can't.  Since training for the past couple of months my body has been through a miscarriage(not planned) as well as trying to figure out a malfunctioning thyroid and both have drained me of energy but the competitive side of me doesn't care.  I can bike 20 miles, run a few more and then go swim around a lake on a Saturday morning and as soon as I check facebook and see that someone ran farther than me, I feel like I'm not training hard enough.

I don't mean this to be a downer post, but I want this blog to be real and sometimes I get tired.  Tired of looking on facebook and comparing myself, tired of training, tired of putting pressure on myself to be more than I'm capable in this moment.  If I don't get the times I want in this triathlon, it's ok.  It's been a process but I'm learning how important it is to appreciate our bodies for the amazing things they can do.  So what if I have a few inches left that I want to get rid of here or there, my body is capable of doing really great things and I'm really grateful for that.  I haven't been grateful like I should be and I've focused on what I can't do this summer but this week has been good to me.  I went on a bike ride on Saturday and started to appreciate the fact that my training has let me really enjoy nature.  I love the stillness and peace I feel when I'm riding or running at 6:30 in the morning out in nature.  And I love that we're building a house(more on that later) out in the country where I only have to go five miles in almost any direction before I can feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere and enjoy that stillness that allows my thoughts to go towards gratitude.
So, no matter what happens this Saturday I am so grateful for the things I have in my life.

For example:
I loved seeing the excitement on this little boy's face when he realized it was his birthday.  My buddy means a lot to me.
 

 And I love checking on Aiden and seeing that he has a love for books just like his Grandpa

And I love that I cooked a dinner with vegetables from our own garden!

And I love watching our boys get so much enjoyment out of the rain and splashing through puddles.

I love crossing over this river, multiple times, on a long bike rides.

And hello random elk farm in the middle of nowhere(also known as Plano, I believe). 

I love it when I peek into the living room and see these two playing peacefully together.

I will never get tired of holding this little guy's hand.

I love that I married my high school sweetheart and best friend.

Especially when we have class reunions and we can reminisce together.

And if you see me in the grocery store and I don't look happy, it's because my boys have high fevers...again.  Just remind me that I really am grateful and this sickness will pass. ;)